The Nature of Pranks
by Carnal Coffee Bean Catastrophe
Summary: -James tries to convince Lily to pull a rather unusual prank... Set in their Seventh year. Rated T for adult themes and light swearing.
1. Chapter 1

"No, James."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"For me?"

"Absolutely not."

He scoots nearer to her on the couch, looking up at her through lowered lashes, lip jutted out. Lily doesn't know whether to roll her eyes or giggle, and so settles for a flat look. "You look more and more like Sirius every day, I swear." James pulls a face.

"I do not!"

"You were pouting."

"I was not!" He puffs out his chest and adds, "Potter men do not pout."

"Hm. Well, seeing as you're no one's definition of a _man_… Hey!"

He tackles her into the couch, grabbing for her wrists to hold her there. She escapes and wriggles out from underneath him, eyes shining and mouth pouring out laughter. He grabs for her again, securing her arms with his hands and pressing down. "What were you saying again?" He asks, brow cocked.

She gasps out between giggles, "Oh, just how… _manly_… and _virile_… and-" She's cut off as he begins to tickle her in earnest, hands roaming all over her body, searching out her most sensitive areas.

"What were you saying? Last chance, Lily dear." He grins down at her, hair completely rumpled and glasses knocked askew. She's still giggling through gasps for air.

"Lemme breathe, you big oaf," she shoves at his chest. He moves off a little, still retaining his hold on her wrists.

"So, why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Seventh-year prank. Big hullaballoo. It'll be awesome…" his eyes twinkle devilishly.

"For the last time, _no_, James. We are not having sex on McGonagall's desk."

"We'll be under the cloak!"

"You, my dear," she pokes at his chest, "are quite loud."

"Not _that_ loud," he scoffs.

"There's more to this than you're telling me. I know it. So, no."

He leans in, rubs his nose against hers, grin wide and warm. "Lily, I'm hurt. You think I have impure intentions? Well, more impure," he adds, as Lily opens her mouth to correct him.

"You don't know the meaning of the word _pure_, Potter." He lays down on her, resting most of his weight on his arms, but effectively trapping her with his body.

"No, I don't." He sighs, snuggling down into her chest, ignoring her swats at his head. "Good for you, huh?"

"Definitely not. My life would be much more sane-"

"Much more boring."

"-if I didn't have some idiot trying to convince me that traumatizing first-years was a grand idea for a school prank."

"Yeah, but what a great sex-ed lesson for them! None of that romanticized nonsense- they'd be getting a real look at what it's actually like."

She arches her brow at him. "So I'm guessing the invisibility cloak idea is a no-go, then?"

He grins. "Well, you told me I'm loud. Can't just leave their little firstie imaginations to fill in the blanks, can we? They'd never get it right."

"Oh, Potter…"

"We'd be doing their parents a favor, really."

"Are you sure that Bludger last week didn't do some mental damage?"

"Which one?"

"My point exactly."

He laughs, sits up, and pulls her onto his lap. "I'll have you know I got 8 goals for us that game!"

"Yes, at the cost of whatever mental sanity you had left."

"You thought I was semi-sane before?"

"No, of course not."

"So… you sure my idea for the Seventh-year prank is a no-go?" His eyes darken momentarily, and his tongue darts out to wet his lip. Lily isn't fazed.

"Absolutely, Potter."

He sighs. "Damnit. And that was such a good idea, too."

She looks at him suspiciously. "Potter, you came up with better ideas for pranks in Second year. In your sleep."

"It's all these stupid NEWTS, Lily- draining my creative and pranking energy!" He flings his arms out melodramatically and leans his head back on the couch. She moves to sit down next to him.

"Yes, yes, yes, how horrible." She rolls her eyes.

"But none of those old pranks were quite as… enjoyable…" His hand traces random patterns on her skin as he waggles his brows suggestively.

"No matter how many times you try that, Potter, it's not going to magically become sexy."

He leans in closer, hand moving to cup her cheek.

"…especially when you call my name, like you do sometimes," he continues, ignoring her arched brow.

She glances around at the empty room nervously. "Potter…"

He closes his eyes. "Yes, but a little higher, more breathy, almost a moan…"

She looks up at him, mischievous grin lighting her face. "Potter…" she moans.

He groans. "Yes, like that, like I'm your whole world, like you can't live without me, like…"

"Potter…" her voice is at his ear, warm breath licking at his lobe. He gasps a little, already turned on. "Potter… you know what you need?"

"No…" he manages to respond, brain already muzzy. "What- what do I need?" He stutters as she gently bites his earlobe, smiling when she hears his wavering voice.

"You know what you really, _really_ need?" Her voice, low and sexy and _ohMerlinshe'smovedontohisneck_, sounds at his ear. _Merlin_, he thinks, _this girl will be the death of him._

"W-w-what?" he manages, as she pulls back to look at the picture he makes, flushed and dazed and splayed against the couch. Her grin signals some distant warning bell in his mind, but he can't pull himself together enough to worry about it just now. She moves forward, slowly, so slowly, invading his space, his senses with her presence and her smile and her red, red hair.

Her lips are a breaths' space away from his, almost brushing as she speaks, "You need… to cool off."

James would like to respond, really, he would. It's just that he finds himself suddenly frozen inside a block of ice. Lily unfreezes herself and dries herself off with a flick of her wand- damnit, he should have been watching for that!.

"Well, dear," her eyes are sparkling again as she smooths down her skirt, "I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a Charms club meeting to go to. Have a good night, yeah?" And with that, she's off, skirt moving gently with the sway of her hips as she climbs out the portrait hole. Well, he thinks, at least she gave him an air hole to breathe out of.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus and Sirius are the first to find him, ten minutes later, half the exterior ice melted, a very cold, very wet, very annoyed James in the middle. Remus frees him from the ice with a well-placed heating charm as Sirius leans against the wall and laughs fit to burst.

"Get me a blanket, wouldja?" James snarls at Sirius as he tries unsuccessfully to clear his glasses with the tail of his sopping-wet shirt. Remus wordlessly takes the glasses and cleans them off, nodding his head at the muttered, "thanks". Still laughing, Sirius hits James with a drying charm.

"Lily?" Remus asks, one corner of his mouth quirking ever so slightly upwards.

"Lily," James agrees, still shivering.

"Just like old times, eh, mate?" Sirius claps him on the back. "I knew that bird was good for you." He guffaws. Peter clambers in through the door.

"Oi, Pete!" Sirius yells. "Go down to the dingerdroobles and get Prongs a nice bit of Remus' special drink?"

"Why again is the kitchen _dingerdroobles_?" Remus asks as Peter pops out the portrait hole again.

"Because it's cool," Sirius replies. "And everything else was already taken."

"Besides the Room of Doom," James remarks. Both boys look at him, then at each other.

"Why-" "That's good!" "It rhymes!" "We need to change-" "No, it's Seventh-" "Who cares?"

They're still arguing as Peter walks in again, carrying a tray bearing four steaming mugs of hot cocoa. He's also picked up a few blankets, which James grabs and immediately swaddles himself in. The three round on him.

"So, Pete, dingerdroobles or Room of Doom?"

Peter blinks. "Huh?"

"It's a fair question, mate," James states.

Peter's still a bit confused, but goes with it. "Um… Room of Doom?"

"Alright!" Sirius cheers, upsetting his hot cocoa in the process. "Damn."

Remus laughs at him; Sirius retaliates by throwing a pillow. With some pretty wandwork on Remus' part, the pillow swerves, hits Peter, then bounces off. An all-out pillow war ensues in the Gryffindor common room. James whoops, struggles out of his blankets, and joins in.


End file.
